Kreuz Market, Lockhart

The hamlet of Lockhart, located about 30 miles outside of Austin bills itself as either the Barbecue Capital of Texas or the Barbecue Capital of the World, depending on what sign you're looking at and what time of day it is. The title comes to the town for good reason. There are three or four BBQ joints in Lockhart which consistently rank among the top places in the state and Kreuz Market is one of them.

Started around the turn of the 20th century, Kreuz has been serving its smokey meats for well over a century and while nothing has been cooking that long, they do have a nice way with a brisket. In fact, their sausage is top notch as well and so are the ribs. In fact, I can offer no complaint about any meat I've ever eaten at Kreuz - it's as good as, if not better than, pretty much any BBQ you're going to eat, save the truly special places. You see, despite it's rank as one of the top 5 this past year, the Kid's not bestowing such accolades on Kreuz this time.

Like I said, the meat was delicious. You can go in and feel secure that whatever you order from the old ladies who operate the chopping block is going to be delicious. The trouble starts when you head into the next room to get the rest of your meal. When I first heard of Kreuz I was told there were no sides. All you got was meat and bread and a couple slices of cheese if you were so inclined. I believe this is the way they should have stayed. On a recent afternoon I tested their german potatoes and beans and was disappointed in both. So often a side can make or break a BBQ place and I feel like the bad sides at Kreuz really ruined the place for me.

There was one more gripe - the place offers no sauce. Well, they do have hot sauce, which the Kid was forced to pour on his brisket, but that's not really the same as BBQ sauce - is it? The story goes that the meat at Kreuz is so good it does not need the indignity of sauce. I wish this were the case. As I said before, the meat was good, but it's a rare cut indeed that does not benefit from a bit of flavor that BBQ sauce adds and the meat here certainly could have used that little pick me up.

If you find yourself in Lockhart I will go ahead and recommend stopping at Kreuz. The building itself is enourmous and if you go on a weekday you will find it mostly empty. You can then try to imagine how it is on a Saturday when the place is packed. I suppose it's a bit like Disney Land for the BBQ crowd - folks will wait in line to ride on Space Mountain and they will wait in line to dine on what they are told is the best 'cue in the state. Also, the cutting room is something I've never seen before and like I said, the meat won't let you down. Perhaps the key is to sneak a little bottle of sauce in with you. Then you can really enjoy the meat the way God intended - sauce and all.

Manns Smokehouse BBQ - Austin

I believe there are always expectations, which often cannot be met, when something is included in a 'best of' list. Before you ever even get to a place, or buy a record, or watch a movie, you're already thinking you're in for one of the great experiences of your life. Such was the case with my recent visit to Mann's Smokehouse BBQ.

I learned of the restaurant in a recent edition of Texas Monthly which claimed to list the top 50 BBQ joints in the state. Manns was one of two places in Austin-proper which made the list, thus I had to check it out. The place was not that easy to find and this made me think that maybe I was on to something. It's located in the shadow of the 183 on a frontage road which means if you miss it going one way, you have to drive about 5 miles to get back to it. As you can imagine, I missed it, but I did eventually make my way to it's smoky door.

The place looked fantastic. It's located in a former Kentucky Fried Chicken but you can't really tell that anymore. There's tons of crap on the shelves and walls and they have an old-school video game you can play for free. Also, they had a sign up advertising free home-made ice cream on Friday nights! Unfortunately for the Kid, I was there on a Tuesday. After taking in the decor I made my way to the counter and ordered the night's special - a pork plate, plus a couple sides and a sweet tea.

After a bit of a wait the food eventually found its way to my table, delivered by a friendly guy who knew where California's Imperial Valley was. I like people who know this as the Kid spent a good part of his Texas-exile roaming this strip of desert just north of the Mexican border. After a bit of small talk I dived into my meal, hoping to satisfy my sophisticated BBQ pallette with some of the state's best 'cue.

It only took one bite for me to be disappointed. It's not that the pork was bad, it just wasn't that bad. The macaroni and cheese casserole also was okay and my other side, black eyed peas, well, they tasted just like black eyed peas so I have nothing to say about them one way or the other. Getting back to the meat, it was not as moist as you'd like it to be. It was served pulled which gave me great hope for it prior to my first bite. However, it was a little dry and the sauce they gave me was nothing special and in the end I quickly ate my meal and left, not even taking the time to play the free video game.

It's at this point in my discourse on bbq that I think I might need to develop a rating system because I'm at a loss for how to close this. Mann's is okay. I find it hard to believe it's one of the state's top 50 places, but I'm also almost positive the people at Texas Monthly did not eat at even 10 percent of the BBQ places in this state. If I did have a rating system (and I don't) I'd give it 2 and 1/2 sauce bottles (that's out of a possible 5). Try this place if you like. Just realize, there are far better places right in Austin where one can satisfy their 'cue craving.

Poll results ...

It seems sauce was the choice for what ya'll believes makes a great BBQ restaurant. I'm not sure I can disagree. I will say that a place with great meat and decent sauce is usually better than a place with fantastic sauce and so-so meat. That seems to be the way it goes for the Kid anyway. I didn't vote, but if I had I think I might have picked sides. So often you find the meat and the sauce to both be solid but when the sides are lacking it really puts a damper on the dining experience as a whole.

Anyway, thanks for participating in the first poll. I'll try and think up a good question for the next one.

Bill Miller's - Anywhere, TX

This is a Bill Miller Bar-B-Q. If you've ever driven south of Austin down into San Antonio you have probably driven by a Bill Miller. They're not as popular in central Texas, but the further south you go the prevalent they become. In fact, I'd go so far as to say they must be the most popular barbecue restaurant in San Antonio. If it matters to you, the one in the picture is located off I-35 in far north Austin, just past the Wells Branch exit. The location, however, should not matter. I have dined in at least 4 Bill Miller's and they're all pretty much the same.

It's not that there's anything bad about Bill Miller's. In fact there are quite a few things that are good. They have the best sweet tea I've ever consumed and they give you all the free bread (which is baked fresh in their bakery) you can eat. Plus they have the most delicious hash brown potatoes (fried just right with plenty of onions) you can imagine. I know, it's strange to offer hash browns as a side at a BBQ restaurant, but trust me - if you ever find yourself in a Bill Miller's you have to try those potatoes.

The trouble with Bill Miller's is that nothing's that good. The sausage is so-so, the pork's just downright bad, the turkey's okay and the brisket is solid, although not really overwhelming. I don't ever recall eating any ribs there. Perhaps they're the greatest meat on the planet. I don't know. But, judging from my experience with the other selections, I kind of doubt it. I don't really have any big gripe with the meat. Stay away from the pork. It's that strange solid pork loin you get in some Texas BBQ joints. It's sort of dry and after a couple bites you don't really want to eat it. Oh, they also have ham. I'm not sure what the deal is there because I'm talking about the kind of ham your mom used to serve on Easter. And while the Kid once thought the idea of any meat bbq'd was a terrific one, he kind of draws the line at ham.

Probably the only big complaint I have with Bill Miller is they don't put sauce on the table or at the condiment bar. They do have their spicy sauce out for you to pour all over their mediocre meat, but if you want any of the regular sauce you have to go to the counter and ask for more. This seems silly to me and a bit of a time-waster as well.

Because the restaurant has a bakery, they have a great selection of deserts including peach cobbler. The cobbler is decent, but I'd recommend the pecan pie. It's pretty awesome. Also, I should note they sell fried chicken. This one kinda strikes me like the ham. Why is a bbq restaurant selling fried chicken? Perhaps their original goal was to be the ultimate Texas eatery. If this is the case, they need chicken fried steak and fried catfish as well. I suppose I'm happy to report they sell neither.

The ultimate verdict on Bill Miller is that it will do in a pinch. If you're in the need for some 'cue and you can't find anywhere else to eat, don't hesitate to eat here. The prices are reasonable and the food won't make you regret eating there. However, in a perfect world, if you're hungry for the 'cue, you would be able to do better than Bill Miller - unfortunately, sometimes, that's not the case.

Southside Market - Elgin

There is a school of thought, born somewhere in the southeast, the barbecue sauce should be made with vinegar. The graduates of this school further gum up the situation by using even more vinegar to baste their meat while they cook it. I'm fairly sure the people who make the barbecue at Southside Market in Elgin are graduates of this school.

It's not that this style of barbecuing is bad, because it isn't. In fact, the Kid would certainly rather eat vinegar-y barbecue every day from this one till the end of time than have to suffer through a big ol' plate of chinese food. But, still, the sauce is unexpected and it can be offputting.

That said, Southside Market is a respectable, if not fantastic barbecue joint. For a relatively small amount of money I was served a four-meat plate which featured two kinds of ribs, sausage and brisket. The sides were okay, the white bread delicious. I should note that I was unable to finish all the meat and ended up eating a good portion of it the next day for lunch. The meat tasted better the next day. I'm guessing because I didn't take any of the sauce home with me.

There are two major barbecue places in Elgin. Southside Market is the first one you come to when approaching the town from Austin. The second one is Meyers and the Kid is kind of ashamed to admit he's never eaten there so I have nothing to compare Southside to. Both places do a pretty brisk retail business and you can find their wares in most Central Texas grocery stores, so I have tasted the sauce from Meyers and I'm happy to report there's no vinegar there.

Finally, I was a little disappointed to find Southside completely cobbler free. They do have an ice cream bar featuring Blue Bell, but no cobbler to put it on. I'm not sure what the deal is lately, but I've noticed more and more barbecue restaurants without cobbler. As far as I'm concerned this is a crime. If you're serving barbecue you have to serve cobbler. To have one and not the other is like salt without pepper, fall without football or the Kid without the 'cue.

Harmons Bar-B-Q - Cibolo

There is something about pork, that when done right, will make it melt in your mouth. You get the feeling you're no longer consuming regular meat, but instead, tasting something that is usually reserved for those kinds of people you know exist, but who you don't actually know. This is the kind of pork they give you at Harmons.

I can honestly say the pork they serve there is the finest I have ever tasted. Tender and juicy, it made me regret I'd ordered the 3-meat combo and hadn't just asked for a giant plate of this delicious ambrosia. After finishing my generous portion I was a bit disappointed to see my nearly untouched brisket and sausage staring back at me.

This is not to say the brisket and sausage weren't top notch because they were. The brisket was better than the sausage. It too was juicy, although not as succulent as the pork. I also got a bit more fat than I was looking for, but it was easy enough to work around it. As for the sausage it was good. I believe a recurring theme of barbecue eating is that the sausage is almost always the safest bet. I don't recall ever having terrible sausage, but at the same time I can count on one hand the times I have encountered truly memorable sausage.

As for the sides, Harmon's offerings were better than most. I had some potato salad which was fine, but the true highlight was their creamed corn. I realize most creamed corn is pretty much the same - save the kind that comes in a can, that stuff's awful - but Harmon's jazzes theirs up a bit with large bits of cracked pepper. As with the pork, I liked what I tasted and I wished I could have tasted a lot more.

There are folks out there who will tell you really good barbecue does not need any sauce. In fact, I know of restaurants that won't even give you any, figuring putting sauce on the meat they spend days cooking is kind of an insult. Well I've never really understood this point of view. I love BBQ sauce almost as much as the meat. That all changed at Harmons. I ate most of their pork shoulder sauceless, thus I feel I'm in a bad position to give the sauce a fair verdict. I will say that from what I remember it made a nice compliment to the meal.

Harmon's is located in Cibolo, close to Schertz about 20 miles north of San Antonio and maybe 20 miles south of New Braunfels. If you decide to go and start to get the feeling you're getting lost on your way there, don't sweat it, you're probably closer than you think. The old building is located across from a cow pasture in what is one of the two or three buildings that make up 'downtown' Cibolo. It might be out of the way, but it's worth the trip. Believe me, the pigs probably won't thank you, but your taste buds will!

Burnet County Bar-B-Que - Burnet

Okay, there's something I should cop to right away - I love BBQ. I'm guessing you already figured that out, but I figured I should restate the fact before I begin with what's going to get a bit ugly. In fact I like BBQ so much I will pretty much eat it in any form. Even when it's bad, it's still pretty good, thus I can usually swallow what's given me, wash it down with some sweet tea and happily head home. That was not the case at Burnet County Bar-B-Que.

Something that caught my eye as soon as I walked in the restaurant was a sign that read (and I'll paraphrase a bit here) 'we might not have the best BBQ in Texas, but we are friendly.' This sign could not have been more correct. The people behind the counter where friendly, so much so we actually had a little conversation. I would have gladly traded our friendly banter for a decent plate of meat served with little more than a 'harumph' as it was slammed on the table in front of me.

You see, Burnet County Bar-B-Que's food was just plain bad. The Brisket was incredibly tough. In fact it was probably tougher than the first brisket I ever tried to cook myself and that thing was a disaster. To top it off, at least half of my portion was pure fat. I chewed on the meat I was able to cut away from the fat for a few minutes before spitting it out into my napkin.

As I arrived for dinner they were out of ribs, so I was forced to take a 2-meat plate, my other selection being their sausage. The sausage was passable, but (as I said before) it's really hard to screw up sausage. The sauce, on the other hand was a different story. I'm fairly sure it was nothing more than ketchup with a few spices thrown in. It had little flavor and certainly did not leave me wanting more. To make matters worse, half the potatoes in my potato salad were undercooked and the cole slaw was possibly the worst thing on my plate. It tasted like slaw mix that had been soaked in water. Needless to say, after one bite, I did not dare go near that again.

Burnet County Bar-B-Que did have an inordinate number of deserts. I counted 11 on the menu although not one of them was a cobbler. However, my experience with my dinner was enough to stop me from even thinking about desert so I beat a hasty retreat out of there and headed home.

It was really a shame the food here was not better because the place really looked like it should have good BBQ. It's in an old building which looks like it might fall down on you at any time and the walls are stained with smoke. Unfortunately that's not the case. Because the folks who ran the place were so nice I'd like to recommend this spot to you, but there's no way I can do that. In fact, my advice to you if you find yourself in Burnet in need of a good meal, is to head to Storms. You won't be getting any BBQ, but you will get yourself a nice hamburger and save yourself the trouble of trying to chew that brisket.

The legend of the Barbecue Kid

If you grew up in Dallas in the late 1970s then you probably already know the story of the BBQ Kid. A media star by the time he was 8, it was rumored that the Kid's own baptism was catered by Martin's Barbecue in Bryan.

The Kid disappeared sometime after his 10th birthday, gone to parts unknown, most folks figured he was gone for good.

The truth of the matter is the Kid was ripped from the bosom of his mother Texas, forced to move to a strange land called Oregon where it rained a lot and BBQ was nothing more than cooking hamburgers on a grill.

So the Kid grew and he waited, waited for his chance to return. Return to the land of his birth and reconnect with the wonders of the world's finest food.

Almost 30 years later the Kid has indeed resurfaced, ribs in hand, the sauce still smeared across his face and on his t-shirt, just as it was on those oh-so popular billboards. He has returned for one reason and one reason only - to stop the bad and promote the good - meat that is.

The Kid will not be stopped this time. By the time he is done every corner of the state that has a place which deigns to call itself a 'Barbecue' restaurant will be investigated and the Kid's report will be published here.

So let the cry go out to all who claim to be cooking the best brisket in the land. The Kid has returned, hungry and ready to find out just who really can live up to such a bold claim.

It's been a long time.

Let the eating begin.